Fragments of What Might Have Been

[dreamingcellardoor]

This is something inspired by going ons/interactions from the panfandom RP soul_campaign. Characters featured belong to their respective creators~! :3

Title: Fragments of What Might Have Been
Character(s)/Pairings: Aqua and Takasugi Shinsuke, and a lot of other people / TakasugixAqua, ninja!LeoxAqua (because I ship that too)
Summary: There are a thousand ways this story could end, and not all of them will be with 'happily ever after'.

"Kept going on about everything happening at the same time," Ridcully went on morosely. "Like there's no such thing as a choice. You just decide which leg you're heading for. He says that we did get married, see. He says all the things that might have been have to be. So there's thousands of me out there who never became a wizard, just like there's thousands of you who, oh, answered letters. Hah! To them, we're something that might have been."

—Terry Pratchett, "Lords and Ladies"

It hadn't taken him long to convince her that she really didn't need to go to work...which only further proved to Takasugi that she really shouldn't be left alone right now.

"Hey~ Do you want to hear a secret?" She asked while reaching up to drape her arms over his shoulders, pressing close enough that he could smell the alcohol on her breath.

Which was just as well, really. The smell was a sharp reminder to him that though she may not look it, Aqua was completely plastered and if he did anything more besides escorting her home safely he would be taking advantage of her. Which is why he should push her away. Like, right now.

"Takasugi?" She pressed closer, as if thinking it might make him answer sooner (all it did was make his brain short-circuit). She didn't notice and continued on, almost dreamily, "I think I might be in love with you." Then, before he could gather enough functioning braincells to make a reply, she smiled brightly, bringing a hand back to bring a finger to her lips. "But it's a secret, okay?"

Nothing really interesting happened after that besides Aqua throwing up on him (and compared to what just happened being puked on wasn't even particularly noteworthy) and then passing out—

By now she knew her partner enough that she could guess what he was thinking.

She wanted to tell him that it's all right. It's not your fault.

But just breathing was taking too much effort and she wasn't sure if there was anything she could say that would make things better. Still, Riku was strong (he had to be, to be chosen by the Keyblade) and he had friends who would see him through this. It might be a little irresponsible, but it looks like she'll have to leave this to them.

Her thoughts drift to those she left behind in Death City and she wondered, idly, if he knew.

Not about this (how could he? She hadn't even known this would happen up until the moment it did) but, well...they'd been together for a while, hadn't they? So he must know that she...

She leaned against her Weapon and closed her eyes with a soft breath. Strange. It didn't hurt so much now, but it was a bit cold, wasn't it?

Still...

I wish I'd told him that I l—

She made sure to read the manual before trying to use the communicator for the first time.

It gave her something to focus on besides worrying about Terra and Ven and how she'd been pulled away from them just as they were about to fight that Unversed together. Were they all right? No matter how many times she tried to reassure themselves that they were fine, that Terra was strong, that one Unversed, however large it may be, won't be a match for someone who nearly passed the Mark of Mastery Exam (was ready to pass already, in her mind) she couldn't quite stop a that small knot of dread inside. What if they were hurt? What if they needed her? What if—

What if, what if, what if. She wasn't going to get anywhere if she kept thinking about 'what if'.

She made her post and was surprised by how quickly she received a response. Maybe it was one of her friends? Maybe Terra or Ven were here?

It wasn't. It was a young man with green eyes and dark hair that she didn't recognize. He seemed to know her and Aqua didn't want to ask who he was, because she didn't want to crush that hope and relief she sees in his expression. But she couldn't lie about this either.

She knew it took her too long to decide when his expression shifted and dimmed. She bit her lip. He probably saw the lack of recognition in her own expression. There was no getting around it anymore. Besides, maybe if she asked the answer would jog her memory and she'd remember who he was.

"I'm sorry. Have...we met before?"—

The day she got news that BREW had stopped working she'd spent the day in her place doing chores, tidying up, washing the dishes. Things like that. Most of her close friends were away or busy so there was no one to stop her and make her talk.

When she ran out of things to clean she just sat down and did nothing. Some time after that (what time was it? She hadn't been paying attention...) she heard the door open. There was really only one person who should have a key.

"I'm kind of relieved." She said because it seemed like the most reassuring thing she could say. Though it wasn't eactly a lie. Not when the only thing she felt was numb, almost detached, like this was something that was happening to someone else. "They're safer where they are right now. It's better that they can never be brought here."

"Aqua..."

She wasn't sure when she made the decision to stand up, close the distance between them and kiss him. But she could feel the hopelessness settling inside her and she wasn't sure which would be worse, this numbness or despair.

So she chose him instead. His mouth, his warmth and his arms around her. Things she hadn't lost, couldn't stand the thought of losing when she'd lost so much already.

"Make me forget, Shinsuke." She whispered against his mouth. It was selfish, maybe, but she needed this. Needed him. She—

"Good. Because I plan on staying until you go to sleep."

There were many reasons why she should say 'no', the least of which was that she'd taken up too much of his time already. He'd done enough by listening, by reminding her that he was there if she needed him. She couldn't possibly ask for any more.

She should say 'no', but she finds herslef agreeing before she could stop herself.

(A part of her really didn't want to be alone.)—

When Luke told her, all relieved smiles and bright eyed she replies to him using the voice function instead of video. She wasn't sure if she could smile at him when she tells him how glad she is to hear that his friends were all right after finding Takasugi's name on the list of casualties in the Europe mission—

It ocurred to her that she didn't want to let go. That she couldn't stand the thought of never seeing him again or worse.

They told her everything would be all right, that Sora would set everything straight and save everyone. But even if she was ready to believe that there were so many things she wasn't sure she was ready to let go of forever. Because if she chose this, chose him, she would have to.

The dream she shared with her friends, the last thing she had of Master Eraqus. She would have to give it up because if she chooses to follow Takasugi back then she's choosing love over duty and she wasn't sure if she'd deserve either the Keyblade or the title of Master after that. But in a way, her heart had made its decision long ago.

I'm sorry.

"Shinsuke, wait!"—

No, I don't think I'll go. Have fun on the cruise, Commander.

Sometimes it seemed like they spent most of their time...not quite arguing, persay (not always, at least) but they spent a lot of time not agreeing with each other. She wasn't even sure how it happened most of the time. Maybe it was just because, when it came down to it, they were both stubborn people. Aqua didn't always approve of what he did and sometime she didn't know when to back down. In the same way, there were days when Leo can't be convinced that she'll stay and tries to push her away.

But then there were moments like this one, when he'd pull her against his side with one arm around her waist. He was yelling at the cyclist who hadn't been paying enough attention where he was going and she was trying not to blush. She didn't comment when he didn't let go afterwards because she might embarass him if she pointed it out and then he might let go.

They passed by a familiar face on their way to the park. He was a fellow member of the Watch, one Takasugi Shinsuke whom she was on good terms with, so she smiled at him and tipped her head in greeting as they passed and he returned the gesture—

She was about to turn the page of her book when she heard twin sets of footsteps coming towards her. She finished turning the page, marking her place and closed the book just as her students (a pair of twins she'd picked up in a desert world) skidded to a stop right beside her table.

"Master Aqua!"

She gave the one who shouted (the older one, apparently only by a very small margin) a stern look.

"Don't shout in the library, Voda."

He looked down, chagrined while his younger brother hissed a quiet, "I tried to tell you." In response he tried to subtly (but, of course, everyone knows that there is a limit to how much subtlety the average twelve year old can possess) shove him in the shoulder.

Aqua sighed even though her expressioned softened into something almost like a smile.

"Did you two need something?"

She watched in amusement when the two sort of nudge each other while making meaningful gestures with their eyes, heads or even hands to silently communicate. You ask. Seemed to be what they were saying...or rather, not saying. Finally it was Vada, the younger of the two who blurted out, "Are you and Master Terra dating?"

She blinked, clearly caught by surprise before she asked curiously, "What made you think that?"

Apparently it was because she didn't spend any time with other guys who weren't already taken or weren't Ventus (who didn't count because even though he was technically older than them it was hard to remember that sometimes).

She chuckled a little when they finished explaining.

"Master Terra and I are just friends."

It was Voda's turn to go 'I told you so' but his younger twin took it with more grace, instead just looking down while muttering.

"...well, I thought it made sense. It's not like there's anyone else she could be dating."

It was easier and easier to go whole days without thinking about him or missing him at all. To the point where she was almost afraid one day she'd forget him altogether.

But it never quite happens.

No matter how many years pass, all it takes is something as simple as a familiar smell, taste, sound or sight to send her back. Even the small, unintentional words of a child could make her heart clench. In its own way, the feeling is almost a comfort. It reminded her that what they shared was real, was important even if she can't remember the exact pitch of his voice, or couldn't recall which shade of green his eyes were. It reminded her that even if the memories were foggy now, they could still make her smile or want to cry or do both at the same time. She treasured that feeling.

Terra and Ven didn't understand. They knew because she told them, but they didn't, couldn't understand because they hadn't been there; they hadn't seen how happy he'd made her once. All they saw was the way she'd sometimes stare out the window, or towards the sky or sometimes at nothing at all, lost in the memories of a time that was forever out of her reach, buried along with the person she'd shared it with.

No, they didn't understand, but there was nothing they could do besides offer her a shoulder to lean on, someone to spar with, someone to remind her that no matter what she'd lost they still had each other. Eventually she took in two students, making a family of her own the way Master Eraqus had. She laughed and lived and didn't let her grief dictate her life the way her friends knew she wouldn't.

Still, there were times when she felt a bit...

"Master?"

A pair of concerned voices snapped her out of her thoughts and she found herself smiling a little sheepishly at her students.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to space out like that."

They shared a Look, then, "Master, are you all right?"

She chuckled before reaching out to ruffle their heads and told them she was. And surprisngly, she wasn't lying. Not even a little.

She stood up.

"How about we start your lessons early today? I think you two are probably ready for some more advanced techniques..."

With the way their eyes lit up you'd think she'd just declared that they were having cake for dinner or something...

"Oh, nothing. That's the thing about the future. It could turn out to be anything. And everything."
She picked up a pebble. It hit the water at the same time as one of Ridcully's own, making a double plunk.
"Do you think," said Ridcully, "that...somewhere...it all went right?"
"Yes. Here!" Granny softened at the sight of his sagging shoulders.
"But there, too," she said.
"What?"
"I mean that somewhere Mustrum Ridcully married Esmerelda Weatherwax and they lived-" Granny gritted her teeth "-lived happily ever after. More or less. As much as anyone does."

—Terry Pratchett, "Lords and Ladies"

"Sake. Sake always makes people sleepy. People are also more cheerful when they're drunk." Sakamoto paused. "Unless he's a weepy drunk. Is your baby a weepy drunk?"

"Are you stupid? You don't give babies sake." Gintoki snorted, then added helpfully like he'd just come up with the Best Solution Ever, "Sleeping pills. We can probably get some at the store."

"We're not giving him sake or sleeping pills." Takasugi ground out before Katsura could get a word in because the baby had been crying for what had already felt like forever and it was making him frazzled enough that if there was any more stupidity added to all this he might just snap and toss them all out of his apartment (and it wouldn't be through the door, either). And he wasn't sure if he could handle this on his own. Takasugi tried bouncing his son (his son. The thought was still frightening and more than a little unreal to him) a little, the way he'd seen Aqua do it sometimes to get him to quiet down.

It didn't help.

"...is it just me or is he crying even harder?"

"Shut up."

"You're probably holding him wrong or something."

"Then you try it." He snapped back and was unbelievably smug when Gintoki leaned back like Takasugi was asking him to hold a bomb or a poisonous spider or something equally horrible. Ha, he thought uncharitably, the fearless Shiroyasha is afraid of a baby. His satisfaction lasted only until he remembered that he wasn't that much better.

Katsura, on the other hand, perked up.

"I'll do it."

After a great deal of fussing ("Remember to support his head.") the baby was in Katsura's arms and almost immediately Katsura started cooing at him. Oddly enough, the baby (who had been crying up until this point) actually quieted down, and even smiled as he reached up and batted at the man's hair.

Takasugi wasn't sure if he should be jealous or relieved about how quickly this happened.

When the swatting ended with him gleefully grabbing a handful of Katsura's hair and pulling, Takasugi decided it was relief. Definitely relief.


END



Incidentally, I did the actual writing for this in a notebook while on vacation during Christmas break and I finished 80% of it within two days along with parts of a highschool AU (of the same pairing). Then it took me until a month ago to actually start typing this and to finish the rest of it. orz

Used Terry Pratchett quotes to frame the story because these quotes were the ones I was thinking of when I came up with the idea initially. And because the Discworld series is amazing and everyone should read it. =3=